Life. Don't talk to me about life

I'm going with the wisdom of Marvin the Paranoid Android today because, well, Life has been really rather irritating lately with its consistent need to get in the way of pretty much everything. I've been meaning to update this blog for a long while but something always seem to come up. Once upon a many Moon ago, I never understood how people couldn't keep up with these kinds of things. In my youthful naivety, I thought it was easy. I am learning just how little I knew back then...

Anyway...

There's been a couple of things occurring in Life lately that I mean to babble about. The first being a subject that, I'll be perfectly honest, I never, ever thought in a thousand Moons that I would be blogging about. It's an event that occurred on Saturday. I went to the theatre. The proper theatre, with stages, plays, actors and all that jazz. I went to the theatre...to see a Jane Austen play.

Honest to gods. This happened. Something else happened...

...I...enjoyed it.

Okay, so a little historical context might help here. I've never read Jane Austen. It just never seemed like my cup of tea - I like spaceships, epic space battles, things going *BOOM* in spectacular ways. So to be sitting in a theatre watching a stage adaptation of Jane Austen's Mansfield Park was not a natural state of being for me. But it's what happens when my beloved Oracle and I make very, very fast with one of the actresses (henceforth known by the call sign "Ember"), who portrayed a smouldering bad girl. Basically. She was cool and when she said "You have to come and see the show"(/words to that effect), one can hardly say no.

This is how I ended up watching Mansfield Park. And thoroughly enjoying it. Now, okay, it was 90% Ember's fault for being such a brilliant bad girl character, but...well, I realised something that was epitomised by something someone later said in the pub after the show - Jane Austen is basically all about the sex. It may be hidden beneath layers and layers of pomp and propriety, but dear gods...the majority of the characters spent the whole time trying to get into each other's pants. And for some reason, that tense undercurrent is extremely compelling. I've always been sucked in by intrigue amongst characters - let's face it, half of the fun of reading the Song of Ice and Fire series is all the back-stabbing and betrayal that goes on. Then the copious coitus.

So yeah...Jane Austen gets a thumbs up. Kudos, Ember. And Oracle. Between the two of you, you compelled me to enjoy Jane Austen.

Anyway, back in the world I normally inhabit, I watched The Cabin in the Woods.

Initially, I had not been too enticed to watch this film, despite the fact that Joss Whedon was involved. Yes, I'm pretty much a Joss Whedon fanboy. I have faith that if he's involved in it, I will watch it. But The Cabin in the Woods was a horror movie. I don't watch horror movies. I scare easily. Plus nowadays, most horror movies seem intent on just grossing you out with gore and torture. Well, actually, I think they're shifting to the psychological end of the spectrum again, but in the early 2000s it was all about the gore and the torture.

With all this in mind, The Cabin in the Woods looked like something I should have probably avoided. As is the theme for this blog entry, I was proven very much mistaken.

Though it must be said, there's lots of blood. I'd say it's easy on the gore, not as much as there could be, but bucket loads of blood.

The beauty, I think, with The Cabin in the Woods, lies in not knowing what it's about and thus going into it thinking it'll just be your average slasher flick. I had been told, long ago, that it wasn't, but my informant failed to elaborate. In his failure to elaborate, I enjoyed the film so, so much more when I discovered what it was all about. So in this vain...I'm not actually going to say much more. Other than it's a brilliant film, Fran Kranz steals the show (sorry ladies, Chris Hemsworth is pretty much eye candy here) and for a horror movie...it can be genuinely hilarious. So go forth and watch it!

And finally, I would like to touch upon something that is confusing and befuddling the living frak out of me since I first discovered it.

Ladies and menfolk...

...Gangnam style.

It's one of those things that was floating around the Internet and didn't quite know what it was. I had no desire to, really, until I found a video of MythBusters' Grant Imahara parodying Gangnam style. As a fan of MythBusters I had to investigate.

I found this.

And for some reason, I can't help but watch it. I still don't understand entirely what the frak is going on, only that this is mildly addictive and dear gods that tune is going to be in my head for the rest of the day!

Luckily this is one of those half-past midnight, nocturnal writing incidents, so the rest of the day isn't likely to be too much longer.

Oh, but this might be the most amusing parody - *Klingon* style!

So there we have it for my latest mad ramble through the scattered neurological chaos of my synaptic processes. It's nearly one o'clock in the morning and I've been talking about Gangnam style, so time for bed. But as my final thought, something to flush the addictive Gangnam style away.

(Song of the Mind: Learn to Fly - Foo Fighters) 

I aim to misbehave

Some months ago I made note of what I considered a startlingly oversight in the geek community - the lack of a day specifically devoted to the enjoyment and honouring of Firefly. I proposed that we (the geek community) appoint a specific day as "Shiny Day", whereby we proudly display our Browncoat roots and sing merry renditions of "The Hero of Canton". So today, the tenth anniversary of Firefly first being aired in the United States, is my inaugural Shiny Day. All Browncoats are welcome to join in this celebration.

To honour this day, I'm wearing my Browncoats t-shirt that I obtained from Quantum Mechanix, one of my first purchases from that website, along with the River Tam maquette (alas, sold out now. Sorry Browncoats). Later on, I intend to sit down with my dinner and watch Serenity, the film that kick-started my journey into the world of Firefly and by far still my favourite movie of all time.

But right now, it's time for a list. To honour the inaugural Shiny Day, here are my top ten Firefly/Serenity moments.

10. "Yeah...that went well." (Firefly, 1x11 "Trash")

For the ladies, this may have been the best way to open an episode - Nathan Fillion sitting naked on a rock in the middle of the desert. As we learn later in the episode, our dashing Captain Tightpants has lost the aforementioned pants as a result of his double-crossing snake of a "wife", Saffron. But in the immediacy of the opening of the episode...it's a brilliant hook. For me, however, it's his opening line of dialogue. "Yeah...that went well." I myself have used it on many an occasion when things have gone distinctly less than well. By far, one of the best opening moments of Firefly.

9. Too Much Hair! (Firefly, 1x07 "Jaynestown")

Firefly is full of brilliant, gigglesome moments and Shepherd Book's frizzy Einstein haircut definitely ranks among the best. While it doesn't steal the episode, it definitely steals the scenes it's in, especially our first glimpse - which was enough to make River run for a smuggling hold! According to her babbling, "his brains are in terrible danger". His brains aren't in terrible danger. Not from the hair anyway...

8. "Wash, tell me I'm pretty." (Firefly, 1x13 "Heart of Gold")

It's a brief moment but nonetheless one of my favourite lines of dialogue. Alan Tudyk and Jewel Staite's exchange is just...well...I just love it. Mostly Alan Tudyk's delivery of "Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion". Wash was a wonderful character and had many, many opportunities to showcase his brilliance and shoot-off some great one-liners and for me, this is one of them. Even though it wasn't necessarily a one-liner moment.

7. The Wash-Mal Torture Argument (Firefly, 1x10 "War Stories")

Conventional logic generally holds that there's a time and a place for everything. When in the midst of being tortured by a sadistic mob boss aboard his space station, it's clearly time to discuss why your Captain ordered his first mate not to marry the pilot. An order she disobeyed, naturally. While a little harrowing, seeing our beloved characters tortured, their argument over Mal's positions on shipboard romances provide genuine humour and much-needed levity to this slightly disconcerting moment.

6. The Hero of Canton (Firefly, 1x07 "Jaynestown")

"Jaynestown" makes another appearance on our list, but this time it's the Hero of Canton. The concept of Jayne Cobb being a hero and...well...the song. The Hero of Canton, the Man They Call Jayne. The episode takes an incredible, surreal turn when the crew, happily minding their own business in a bar in Canton, discover through the medium of song that Jayne Cobb, the selfish, brutish and questionably loyal "public relations" man is Robin Hood-style hero. The subtext the episode has about the truth behind heroics is great and all, but it's the song that steals the show.

5. "Also, I can kill you with my brain." (Firefly, 1x11 "Trash")

Our second entry for "Trash" is one of my favourite River Tam moments ever. After Jayne has gave his spine a bit of a thrashing, he's treated by Simon, who learned through River's mind-reading that Jayne sold them out to the Alliance two episodes before, on the planet Ariel. Simon proceeds to give Jayne a speech on how he (Simon) will never harm him as long as he's a patient, then leaves. River lingers a moment, then utters her line in a way that approaches cute...if the threat weren't pretty damn real and mildly terrifying. Especially after what we saw her do in "War Stories" with one pistol and her eyes closed...

4. "If you take sexual advantage of her..." (Firefly, 1x06 "Our Mrs Reynolds")

Partly, it's the speech Shepherd Book gives Mal, but mostly it's what's in the picture. That lingering moment with Book poking out of the passageway, giving Mal one final reminder of "the Special Hell", before promptly disappearing again. It makes me giggle no end. But we can't forget the speech that started it all, where Book warns him of the special level of Hell he will be going to if he sleeps with his "wife", Saffron. One of Shepherd Book's finest moments.

3. "What was that?" (Serenity - Big Damn Movie)

The movie has drawn to a close.  A patched up Serenity flies off through storm clouds and into space amidst wonderfully uplifting music. It hurtles off into the Black to continue its adventures with a new lease of life, a fresh lick of paint, all fixed and ready to...oh wait, something falls off! It flies towards the screen, we fade to black and Mal's voice asks "What was that?" A perfect echo of his first line of the movie (where, again, something flies unceremoniously off the ship) and...just the best end to the movie. Pure Joss Whedon brilliance. One of the reasons I loved this movie so much - this final moment, for me, seems to epitomise everything about Firefly: no matter what, there's always a catch, something's always falling apart, but Serenity never stops flying.

 
2. "Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!" (Firefly, 1x01 "Serenity")

It may cause some controversy that this moment isn't number one, but...well, I'll explain later. But nonetheless, it was a close race as Wash's introductory scene is pure genius. Nothing sums up Hoban Washburne better than this scene. I want to make a descent paragraph out of this but...well, it speaks for itself. Pure, solid gold genius.

1. The First Rule of Flying (Serenity - Big Damn Movie)

I'm a hopelessly sappy, sentimental romantic. I hold my hand up and admit this proudly. For this reason, my favourite ever Firefly/Serenity moment is Mal's final speech, delivered to River Tam. And I hold to the belief that Mal has it right. "Love. You can learn all the math in the 'Verse, you take a boat in the air you don't love she'll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down, tells you she's hurting before she keens. Makes her home." I can deliver this line with far, far too much heartfelt conviction. And soon, I shall have an awesome print with that quotation on it. Thank you, QMx!

So there you have it for my inaugural Shiny Day. I'm off to cook then watch Serenity. I aim to misbehave :)

I like the quiet

Today I'm using the wise words of Xander Harris, mostly in a sort of ironic context. I'm actually a little guilty that I've been so quiet. July was quite the prolific month for me, then August was somewhat swallowed up in an eerie silence. But there's context for that, which naturally I'm going to explain.

The Song of Ice and Fire.

It's hardly unknown that I've been powering through this brilliant series of books since July. Last week I finally came to the end...well, the end so far. Now that I've completed A Dance with Dragons: After the Feast, I have to wait for a while (a good long while, everyone theorises) for The Winds of Winter. But now that chapter that George R.R. Martin read out at the talk in April makes so much sense. So I get to sit here giddily, incurring the wrath of every Ice and Fire geek who wasn't there and is equally champing at the bit waiting for The Winds of Winter to be released. Let it be known, however, that I am just as every bit anxious.

Now the usual tradition after I've finished a book is the Sitting Under the Tree segment, but instead of summing up my feelings for A Feast for Crows or A Dance with Dragons, I'm going to do a huge blab about my feelings on the whole series.

It all started in January, really. For months before my housemate had been raving about the TV show Game of Thrones. I've gone over this story before, but I'm going to briefly recap. My friend Phoenix found out George R.R. Martin was coming to Bath, but found it coincided with Korn playing in Bristol. It turned out that Korn was the day before, but in January she didn't know and I offered to go in her place, get a book signed. At this point I had not read any of the books, I only knew about the TV show. I had, however, bought my housemate the paperback boxset of the first four volumes for her birthday. So in February, after having bought the tickets for the George R.R. Martin event, with my laptop dead, I borrowed A Game of Thrones and took it out in a week. One of my prevailing thoughts was "Frakking Lannisters!" and my overwhelming feeling was that there was only one forgivable Lannister. Tyrion.

Boy was I wrong.

Tyrion Lannister is still, undeniably, one of my favourite characters and quite possibly the best Lannister, but George R.R. Martin is deviously brilliant and managed to make me like Ser Jaime Lannister. He gave me a begrudging respect for Lord Tywin Lannister and made sure I still disliked Queen Cersei Lannister because she is a total nutjob. I love the Starks, especially Arya and her bastard half-brother, Jon Snow. I want Daenerys Targaryen to take the Iron Throne and...

Well, there's a lot of things I want to say, but no spoilers. None at all, no. So now I'm going to try and be vague and general about my feelings on the subject.

It may be surprising to know that the seven paperbacks/five volumes of Song of Ice and Fire are, aside from The Hobbit are the only straight up fantasy books in my book collection. I will (before I have threats hurled at me from various quarters) be rectifying this, but it's going to be slow-going, so be patient. But I've always enjoyed fantasy and Song of Ice and Fire...well, I was hooked from the first second. A Game of Thrones was brilliant, gripping. A Clash of Kings was equally brilliant (and it was the hardback book that I had signed) and A Storm of Swords completely blew my mind. A Feast for Crows and A Dance with Dragons had a lot to live up to and did admirably, but I think A Storm of Swords is still the high point. I'm sure I mentioned it before, but I'll mention it once again. I wish that I had gotten that book signed. Next time. Definitely next time!

Overall though, I loved Song of Ice and Fire. It's brilliant and I can't wait for more. But Song of Ice and Fire hasn't been the only thing that's kept me busy. At the end of August, I was tied up for one brilliant evening watching Brave.

Yes, I have a soft spot for animated films. I have Kung Fu Panda and its sequel in my DVD collection. I intend to add The Incredibles and How to Train Your Dragon at the very least, more likely to follow. Including Brave. It was absolutely brilliant.

So the plot was a tiny bit on the predictable side, but that is a hazard of having watched a whole frak ton of movies and briefly studying film in my first year of university. And being a writer and usually thinking "well, this is what I would do..." resulting in often being right. It's very nice when I'm wrong. Sometimes I'm not, like with Brave, but it was so funny and enjoyable that I forgive it entirely. That and I had the great company of Thief and Oracle for the movie. It was an awesome evening.

Finally, backtracking slightly to Song of Ice and Fire, my fantasy nerve has been repeatedly jumped on. I want more. And not just books or movies. For some reason (mostly because people keep telling me it's amazing), Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim is enticing me. That and watching the trailer for the Dawnguard add-on and my affinity for vampires (proper, blood-sucking, bursting-into-flames-in-sunlight vampires). Right now though, I'm going to bide my time, see if this is just a phase that passes or something more. We'll see. And I'll probably have a few people whispering "Get Skyrim" in my ear. That's going to be fun.

For now, this is me being not so quiet and hoping that I stay not being so quiet. 

Sitting Under the Shade of the Tree: A Storm of Swords

I've made mention before of that fateful April day that I met George R.R. Martin and had the hardcover copy of A Clash of Kings I bought that very evening signed. I won't say so much that I regret having that book signed, but...if I had known just how unbelievably EPIC A Storm of Swords was going to be, I would have bought a hardcover of that one too and had it signed.

Now I've been reading the paperbacks, so A Storm of Swords was really two epic books for me, subtitled Steel and Snow and Blood and Gold respectively. For the purposes of simplicity, I'm pooling my review together, so I'll be covering both books. Now as this is volume three in the Song of Ice and Fire, spoilers for A Game of Thrones and A Clash of Kings will likely follow. You have been forewarned.

As with every blog about the Song of Ice and Fire, I'll begin by taking stock and introducing the state of play as it stands at the beginning of the book.

A Storm of Swords slightly overlaps the end of A Clash of Kings, but here's what's happening - Ser Jaime Lannister, the "Kingslayer" and Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, has been released from captivity at Riverrun by Lady Catelyn Stark in the hopes that the Lannisters will release Lady Catelyn's daughters, Sansa (held pretty much captive at King's Landing) and Arya (last seen in the company of Lord Beric Dondarrion's raiders). His brother, the brilliant Tyrion Lannister, is recuperating from an impressive wound (a scar now runs across his face) gained during the battle outside King's Landing. He has been replaced as Hand of the King by his father, Lord Tywin Lannister, who is being hailed as saviour of the city after he arrived with a great host of southern lords, defeating Stannis Baratheon's army. But everyone forgets that it was Tyrion's plans that prevented the majority of Stannis' army, embarked with his fleet in Blackwater Bay, from landing and turning the tide of the battle.

Elsewhere, (i.e. in the North), Jon Snow has, under orders from ranger Qhorin Halfhand, gone over to the wildings and comes face-to-face with the King-Beyond-the-Wall, Mance Rayder. Bran and his companions, Hodor, Jojen and Meera Reed, leave the ashes of Winterfell behind to make for the Wall, where the three-eyed crow in Bran's dreams awaits.

Seaward now and Ser Davos Seaworth, loyal servant to Stannis Baratheon, is found alive and...not so much well, but definitely alive, following the Battle of the Blackwater. He returns to Dragonstone, intent of killing Melisandre, the Red Priestess who stands at Stannis' side, guiding his campaign. Before he can so much as flinch in her direction, he is arrested and placed in a cell. Further across the seas, Daenerys Targaryen has left Qarth after the Sorrowful Men (a guild of Qartheen assassins) attempt to kill her, journeying to Astapor to buy herself an army. A slave army...

So basically, that's where everyone stands. But over the course of the book...well, several of the characters are left distinctly less than standing.

A Storm of Swords is...good gods, it's a bloodbath. A cruel, twisted ingenious bloodbath. All through the reading of this book (/two books for me), I was in contact with Thief who was urging me on, continually ordering me to read faster and on the receiving end of some very astonished text messages when certain things happened. As much as I want to go into them chapter and verse, I don't wish to spoil too many things. So I'll perform my usual trick - babble about my favourite characters.

Ser Jaime Lannister. I never, ever thought, in the depths of A Game of Thrones, that I would come to like this smug son of a bitch. But in A Storm of Swords, Jaime becomes a perspective character and as a consequence of that, I came to a bizarre understanding of the man, how he lives eternally in the shadow of his label "Kingslayer". In his journey back to King's Landing, he is accompanied by Brienne of Tarth, who reminds him at every possible moment about the oath he swore and he broke it when he slew King Aerys II Targaryen, the Mad King. In spite of the fact that it was probably one of the best things he's ever done, for reasons he elaborates. But it's this torment he seems to feel, the burden of being the Kingslayer that makes Ser Jaime Lannister, for me, a compelling character. He may not be the best Lannister, but...gods I can't believe I'm saying this, but he's all right.

The best Lannister, of course, is Tyrion. The Imp. His size may be small, but his wit and brilliance are great. If only someone would actually recognise that and stop putting him down so much. Removed as Hand of the King by the arrival of his father (who was actually named Hand of the King, but sent Tyrion to act in his stead while he waged war on Robb Stark), he is named Master of Coin as Lord Petyr Baelish ("Littlefinger") has been sent to the Vale to woo and seduce Lysa Arryn, to keep the Vale and all its forces "in the King's peace" and thus out of the war. Or deep in it, so long as they're on Joffrey's side. But it seems that no matter what job he has, Hand of the King, Master of Coin, Tyrion Lannister is hated and misunderstood. And has a big mouth that gets him into A LOT of trouble. But it's that big mouth and its witty quips that we love so much.

Moving away from the Lannisters, it's time to take a moment to talk about some of the Starks. First off, Robb Stark. Never a perspective character, but man do I want this guy to win. Through Lady Catelyn's eyes, we see that Robb shares his father's sense of honour and the burden of leadership - especially when he arrives back at Riverrun...with a new wife in tow. Who is not of House Frey, despite Robb being betrothed to a Frey daughter of his choosing. Now that causes some friction, but allows Robb to forgive his mother for freeing the Kingslayer.

Now when I talk about the Starks, I can't help but talk about Arya. She's the stubborn little warrior girl and my favourite of all the Starks. And the poor girl never seems to catch a break. So far, every time she's come even a tiny bit close to getting what she wants, it's all snatched from under her. But credit to this little firecracker, she keeps going and going. And oh my, where she's going...I can't wait to see what happens!

And finally, Jon Snow. Gone over to the wildings. I must admit, I feel Jon Snow's initial epicness in A Game of Thrones has diminished somewhat, but I still like him. But mostly because, if not for his perspective, we wouldn't have a brilliant chapter where we finally get to meet the fabled Mance Rayder. And believe me, Mance Rayder does not disappoint for a second.

When I babbled about A Clash of Kings, I mentioned a theory about the Red Priests/Red Priestesses being behind a conspiracy. I've seen re-thought that theory and it's been a tiny bit proven wrong. Which is a shame, because I like a good conspiracy, but alas there isn't one that I know of. But I wouldn't bet on anything at this point. Especially in A Storm of Swords.

So I mentioned at the beginning it's a bloodbath. Oh gods, such a bloodbath. George R.R. Martin is an evil genius. Not many books will have me screaming at them, jumping for joy or giggling maniacally, but A Storm of Swords (especially book two, Blood and Gold) had me doing that all the time. So far, I think this is my favourite instalment of the Song of Ice and Fire. But I'm only two chapters into A Feast for Crows so far, I'll let you know how that goes in a week or two. Depending how fast I read. I expect I will have Thief standing with her bow and arrow to make sure I read faster.

Do what I do. Hold on tight and pretend it's a plan!

I'm going to begin by saying "Quantum Mechanix, this is all your fault!" You can't escape this, QMx. You posted the link. On your head this whole thing lies! For you see ladies and menfolk, my mind is being warped...by the 1978 disco-style remix of the Doctor Who theme tune. In this article from io9.com, re-posted by QMx, therein lies the video with the aforementioned funky tune. I mean FUNKAY...oh dear gods, the funk. It won't leave my brain.

In order to distract myself (even though I have the video playing in the background because it's frakkin' addictive), I have decided that this will be the perfect opportunity to blog about that great stalwart of British science-fiction, Doctor Who.

I'm a geek and I'm British. It follows in bizarre logic that I am, of course, a fan of Doctor Who. While I imagine you could probably, somewhere, find a British geek not a fan of Doctor Who, it would likely be rather difficult. I will conduct a poll about this at work with all the geeky regulars, but until then, I want to talk about Doctor Who to get my mind off the brain-melting funk. That addictive, funky goodness...

Let's face it. As a science-fiction writer, I have toyed with the idea of writing about time travel. Come on, we all have. In fact, I dare any science-fiction writer who's watched an episode of Doctor Who to put their hand up and say they haven't dreamed about writing an episode themselves. While tied to a polygraph. With a bunch of kittens dangling over a shark-infested pool, to be dropped in at the first sign of a lie.

My journey with Doctor Who...well, I can't actually remember where it truly began, though I know my mother, something of a geek like myself, was an avid fan of Doctor Who in its glory days. One of my earliest memories of Doctor Who is a bizarre one. It was 1999. I can tell you that for a certainty because I saw this episode just before I went to see Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace for the first time. Before I truly understood the genius of the first three films and how Empire Strikes Back is the best by far.

But I digress. It was 1999. And it was perhaps the most epic of classic Doctor Who episodes to watch. It was, at the very least, the first part of..."Genesis of the Daleks". It was years later that I was talking to my mum about these episodes and she told me her favourite part...the part, which, as a child, had her on the edge of her seat screaming at the screen.

For those who have not seen "Genesis of the Daleks" and would prefer to watch it without knowing what happens...I'd stop reading about here...at least just skip over the next paragraph. Or two.

It was the Doctor. (*The* Doctor for all you Tom Baker loyalists out there). Holding two frayed lengths of wire. All he had to do was touch the wires together and *BOOM*, that's it, no more Daleks. But he hesitates. Two wires. Staring at these frayed copper conductors, he realises that of all the things he can do as a Time Lord, he cannot do this. He cannot destroy the Daleks. It would undo too much, destroy too much history, too much of the timeline. Too much of his timeline. Even though his companions are urging to do it, to end the most terrifying threat the Universe has ever known, the Doctor...spares the Daleks.

A part of me wishes I could go back and tell my ten year-old self just how incredibly important a moment that was, just how brilliant the writers were for putting the Doctor into that position.

Of course, six years later (2005), Doctor Who made one heck of a comeback. In the clever guise of Christopher Eccleston with the brilliant line "So? Lots of planets have a north!" to explain his accent, Doctor Who once again caught the hearts and minds of the British public. And in those last seven years...well. We've had Christopher Eccleston, David Tennant and Matt Smith, all fantastic Doctors with wonderful companions but...

...well...

...a lot of my friends will be rolling their eyes here, but...well...

...it's totally all about Amy Pond.

I'll hold my hand up and admit it - feisty red head with a Scottish accent and a knack for being...well, fiery, determined and thoroughly Scottish? You're godsdamn right I went head over heels when this girl stormed onto our screens in 2011 screaming lines like "Twelve years and four psychiatrists!"

But that isn't the finest moment in Doctor Who. As much as I love Amy Pond and think she is wonderful (and Karen Gillan a fantastic actress), there is one episode that stands out above all others, that for me marks the high point of Doctor Who.

"Blink".

It's 2007. David Tennant is the Tenth Doctor. Freema Agyeman is his companion, Doctor Martha Jones. And yet this episode, this brilliant, brilliant episode features for them for probably a grand total of five minutes. For there's two things that steal the show - the beautiful, incredible leading lady Sally Sparrow (Carey Mulligan) and one of the most terrifying nemeses the Doctor has ever faced.

The Weeping Angels.

I'm sure I've mentioned it before, but as a writer there are things you read or watch and you're thinking "Oh gods, why the frak didn't I think of that first?" I can honestly say, the Weeping Angels are up there. In fact, I might do a top ten list of things I wish I had thought up first in terms of genius storylines/ideas. And the Weeping Angels are definitely up there.

While their appearance in the 2011 series dulled their fire just a tad, the Weeping Angels remain one of the finest creations to come from the mind of head writer Steven Moffat. And when I was reading China Miéville's Perdido Street Station, the central "villains"/monsters, the slake-moths...they reminded me a little of the Weeping Angels. Insofar as when I was reading Perdido Street Station and the excitement that gripped me when the slake-moths were introduced convinced me that China Miéville should write an episode of Doctor Who.

Of course, no one would ever, ever sleep at night. Ever again. Yet I can't help feeling it would be *SO* worth it. Anyone else with me on this one? Might be a bit late for series seven (the trailers for which look EPIC), but maybe series eight, eh? I think it would be an epic idea. Neil Gaiman wrote an episode, why shouldn't China Miéville? *Sod's Law follows that China Miéville hates Doctor Who...*

Sitting Under the Shade of the Tree: A Clash of Kings

I've been building up to this bad boy since April, oh that fateful day in April where I came face to face with the man himself, George R.R. Martin. At that point, I had only read the first novel in the Song of Ice and Fire series, A Game of Thrones. So naturally, I bought the second in the series, a beautiful hardcover and had it signed. However, I vowed that I would be fair to all the other books that were in my reading pile and get through them first before reaching A Clash of Kings. Finally, early this morning, two weeks after I started reading it, I reached the end. And so, it is time to share my thoughts.

I will warn and apologise now, some spoilers for the events of A Game of Thrones may follow. You have been forewarned.

Now on with the show!

Let's take stock for a second. At the end of the first book, there are no less than four kings in the Seven Kingdoms. Here's the rundown: Joffrey Baratheon, "heir" to King Robert Baratheon and "rightful" king of the Seven Kingdoms, except that he's the bastard child of Ser Jaime Lannister and his sister, Queen Cersei Lannister. Ew. *Shudder*. Next up we have Stannis Baratheon, Lord of Dragonstone and brother to Robert Baratheon. He was the first to discover the truth of Joffrey's birth, but buggered off to Dragonstone before doing anything about it. So with his brother dead and the throne rightfully his, he decides to finally get off his butt, with a creepy Red Priestess at his side. But there's a twist.

His far more popular brother, Renly Baratheon, Lord of Storm's End, has declared himself king and even married the maiden daughter of Lord Mace Tyrell, the Lord of Highgarden, thus bringing with his claim to the Iron Throne the vast majority of the southern lords. Not only are the Lannisters, who are naturally all rallied around King Joffrey, more than a little disconcerted by this, Stannis isn't too happy either.

Finally, there's Robb Stark, Lord of Winterfell upon his father's execution in A Game of Thrones, declared by his lords and bannermen as King in the North. He's won himself a neat little victory against Ser Jaime Lannister, taking the famed "Kingslayer" hostage, giving the Lannisters a little bit of pause for thought. So far he's pretty much the only one of the kings who doesn't want the Iron Throne.

Now I could try and sum up the plot...but good gods, that's a lot of information to try and distil into a small collection of paragraphs. You know how people joke about how you've "written an essay" when you write something ridiculously long in a space generally reserved for smaller trains of thought? This would be a thesis. So instead, I shall run through some of the characters (my favourites mostly) and through them hopefully some semblance of the plot.

I'll start with our dearly beloved favourite, Tyrion Lannister. As far as I'm concerned, he's the only forgivable member of House Lannister. As of A Clash of Kings, Tyrion has been sent to King's Landing to act as Hand of the King, despite the fact that his father Lord Tywin had been named to the post. In this position...well, he is just so brilliantly Tyrion. Plotting, scheming, having the back-stabbing Commander of the City Watch shipped off to the Wall to become a Sworn Brother of the Night's Watch. And credit to Tyrion, he does his best to keep order while his nephew shows how much of a sociopath he is and his mother, Tyrion's "sweet sister", plots and schemes to keep Joffrey on the Iron Throne and the knowledge of her union with Jaime Lannister a neat little secret. All the way through, Tyrion never fails to be an intriguing, devious little character that I just love rooting for. If I was reading before going to sleep, I would finish a chapter, find the next one was a Tyrion chapter and have to read on.

But Tyrion's not the only compelling character. One of the continuing surprises in the compelling character category is Sandor Clegane, a.k.a. "The Hound", Joffrey Baratheon's loyal bodyguard. Seen only through the eyes of Sansa Stark, held pretty much prisoner in King's Landing, The Hound confounds and confuses. He's this brutish thug, only just a step above a murderer. And even though he's spending ninety percent of his scenes ruining Sansa's illusions of knights and chivalry, he's really opening her eyes. Now I'll admit, I didn't like Sansa in A Game of Thrones, but she's really matured in A Clash of Kings, starting to see the truth of the world. I wonder how much of that is due to The Hound's harsh, yet wise words.

Speaking of the Starks, there's Arya. Let's face it, she's my favourite of the trueborn Stark children (because the bastard Jon Snow stands in a class of his own) and her arc...well. She's turning into quite the little warrior. A sneaky little warrior. Having escaped King's Landing with Yoren, a Brother of the Night's Watch, she and Yoren's band of miscreants bound for the Wall manage to fall afoul of the war for the Iron Throne. But wait a second, the Night's Watch takes no part in any wars, right? Try telling that to the frakking Lannisters. No sooner than Yoren, Arya and co run into Lannister men, they are all but massacred and end up at the cursed fortress of Harrenhal. Now I must restrain from saying too much here, as when I met (for all of five seconds) George R.R. Martin, while waiting in line to get my book signed, I overheard the future of Arya's arc. And from what I read in A Clash of Kings...oh gods I can't wait to see where this ends up going! Yeah, I'm rooting for Arya Stark here. She's badass.

Of course, no rambling of thoughts and feelings on a Song of Ice and Fire book would be complete without rambling a little bit about my personal choice to take the Iron Throne, Daenerys Targaryen.

Let's face it. Daenerys has dragons. Not just as the sigil of her house, but...godsdamnit, the girl has three actual dragons! Now my friend Wench pointed out that dragons shouldn't really be the entitlement to the Iron Throne, but...watching Daenerys come from this scared little girl to mature into such a strong leader...okay, so she doesn't have a host of thousands like the Lannisters, the Starks or Renly Baratheon, but she has spirit, determination and...well...DRAGONS! Daenerys is spending most of her time in Qarth, with people flocking around her, all but trying to buy her dragons from her. And she's having none of it. Sucks for her, because she wants an army, then want the dragons...nobody's getting what they want here. But Daenerys will find a way. She better, because I really want her to become Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. While others are fighting each other to gain the throne, Daenerys is running across half of Essos, enduring the loss of her beloved husband Khal Drogo and stillbirth of her son, Rhaego. I just feel that Daenerys' personal trial of fire (pun not intended now that I realise it) is earning her, slowly but surely, her right to claim the Iron Throne. That and by the time she gets her ass to Westeros, chances are everyone will have killed everyone else. Though I'm hoping Robb Stark survives and Daenerys lets him remain King in the North. I just think it would be cool.

Also, personal theory...the Red Priests/Priestesses of Asshai are totally behind the whole war for the Iron Throne. Seriously. The clues are there...or I'm reading far, far too much into it. Guess we'll find out. I've already started reading A Storm of Swords and I have all the books up to A Dance with Dragons. And I'm just going to power through them all, one after the other. I would be fair to my other books, but the way A Clash of Kings ended...I have to keep going! Then I imagine the end of A Dance with Dragons will torture me even further. Like I say, we'll see. Until then, this has been my ramble about A Clash of Kings.

Oh and during conversation with Thief during the writing of this blog, I have invented a new word: Tyrionical. Similar to Machiavellian, it relates to any plan/scheme that involves an exceptional displays of cunning, deviousness and brilliance. Just like Tyrion Lannister, the word's namesake.

So there you have it. Tyrionical. Use the word well.

I have an entire phalanx of machines that go ping!

I've been meaning to do this one for a while. In fact, I had planned to do it here and had the title reflect that it was going to be about my top ten favourite tech guys. And girls. Since I've been feeling like I'm a little behind on my random rambling, I decided to do this one today. Finally. After all this time.

Naturally, as is my custom, the title of this post comes from the mind of Joss Whedon. Or at least from one of his shows - this one from Dollhouse, from the mouth of one Topher Brink, one of my favourite tech persons. But where does he come into this? Read on and find out!

But first, just for Thief, here's a palm tree:

Now on with the show!

10. Marco Pacella (The 4400)

He's kind of in the classic mould of a tech guy - glasses, unashamed geekiness, socially awkward. But underneath it all, Marco Pacella of the National Threat Assessment Command is a pretty cool dude. As head of NTAC's Theory Room (a name I have adapted for my own room), he was Tom Baldwin and Diana Skouris' first point of call for theories about the eponymous 4400 and their related abilities. And...well...by show's end...spoiler alert (highlight to read): he gains the ability to teleport!

9. David Levinson (Independence Day)

He graduated from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology to become a cable repairman. Not the type with a van, mind you. No, David Levinson (wonderfully portrayed by Jeff Goldblum) was Independence Day's arbitrary disaster movie everyman main character. But with a degree from MIT and the smarts to suss out the alien's nefarious scheme to blow up every major city on Earth. Though this is a Roland Emmerich film, so they all still blow up. But he does later show that he's smarter than the Area 51 scientist portrayed by Brent Spiner. Kudos.

8. jPod (jPod)

Shown here by the cast of the short-lived Canadian TV show adaptation of the Canadian novel jPod and most about the TV show characters, the jPod are probably the most successful slackers in the videogame industry. In their thirteen episode run, they manage to acquaint themselves with Chinese Mafia kingpins (the wonderful Kam Fong), suffer through one boss who is kidnapped and shipped off to China while the other hijacks them for his own personal project before blowing himself up. And this is just skimming the surface of their hi-jinks. They also gave me the phrase "The F-Bomb". Seek out and watch episode two, "A Fine Bro-Mance", for the context.

7. Douglas Fargo (A Town Called Eureka)

One of numerous techies and engineers resident to the mysterious town of Eureka, Douglas Fargo quite possibly has the distinction of being the most accident prone. His inventions routinely turn on him (see "H.O.U.S.E. Rules" for a good example) and apparently, his file at Global Dynamics uses the phrase "inappropriately pushed button" some thirty-eight times. While these things don't inspire the usual round of confidence you would like to have in the world's scientific elite, Fargo is no less of a wonderful and endearing character. Such is the life of the comic foil, it would seem. But he is still a genius. One day he'll invent something that will work perfectly and not be misappropriated.

6. Alyx Vance (Half-Life 2)

Our only entry for a videogame character, Alyx Vance, daughter of physicist and Black Mesa researcher Doctor Eli Vance is the erstwhile companion of everyone's favourite tight-lipped theoretical physicist, Doctor Gordon Freeman. Despite the fact that Freeman is a physicist, his overuse of the trusty crowbar appears to render him unable to use computers and his MIT education to navigate obstacles. Here is where Alyx is an indispensible ally - she hacks into computers, uses her sparking gadget thing to open doors and makes you play fetch with her pet robot, Dog. A robot her father built, then she added to. The end result is very impressive. Her resilience, resourcefulness and great company earn Alyx Vance the number six spot.

5. Q (the James Bond Franchise)

Alas not the John de Lancie Q of Star Trek: The Next Generation fame, this is the Q that kept James Bond alive for so many films. A divisive issue it may be, increasing Bond's survivability, but nonetheless, Q's appearances in the first twenty or so Bond films were scenes to look forward to and cherish. Ably played by the late Desmond Llewellyn, Q could easily match and outwit his reckless colleague while providing him with the means to defeat the bad guys. Despite what the gritty Daniel Craig Bond films will have you believe, Bond couldn't really ever be without Q.

4. The Lone Gunmen (The X-Files, The Lone Gunmen)

While their spin-off show might have slightly...well...tanked, their appearances in their parent show The X-Files were often the highlight of an episode. The oddball combination of John Fitzgerald Byers, Melvin Frohike and Richard Langly provided invaluable assistance to Mulder and Scully during their investigations. While in their first appearance in "E.B.E." they're set up as ridiculously paranoid conspiracy nuts, they became three of the most endearing characters in the entire series. Enough to get their own, aforementioned short-lived series.

3. Tony Stark (Iron Man)

"A genius, billionaire playboy philanthropist." Tony Stark's own words summing him up beautifully. This man graduated from MIT when he was seventeen and built a crude, but functional, powered armour suit in a remote Afghan cave with little more than "a box of scraps", as Obadiah Stane yelled at a poor, unfortunate scientist nowhere near a brilliant engineer as Tony Stark. His techie achievements and marvels are too numerous list in their entirety, so will stick with the miniaturised arc reactor and the Iron Man suit.

2. Topher Brink (Dollhouse)

Here is, the man behind this blog entry's title! Although I haven't watched all of Dollhouse YET, Topher made quite the impression as the strangely endearing, slightly amoral tech king supreme of the Los Angeles Dollhouse. Topher's best moments include noticing Victor's "man reaction" (and resulting investigation with Doctor Saunders) and his brilliant reaction to an experimental memory drug in the episode "Echoes". A genuinely funny turn. Makes you want a drawer of inappropriate starches...

1. Claudia Donovan (Warehouse 13)

Feisty hacker chick with deviantly coloured hair. When describing Claudia to my friends, I use those words. They roll their eyes, knowing my affinity to that kind of girl. No surprise really that Claudia snags the top spot here. As the youngest member of the Warehouse, Claudia strives and struggles to bring the reality of 21st Century technology into the Warehouse, much to the consternation of her boss, Artie. The hi-jinks that oft ensue from Claudia's tampering and tinkering are a delight and pleasure to watch. As are her constant pop culture references and her text alert on her phone - a Cylon voice proclaiming "By your command". And you can't help but find it cute when she genuinely exclaims "Zoinks!"

-----3