Reports of my assimilation have been greatly exaggerated

For the first time in a few months, I'm managing more than one-to-two posts a month. Admittedly I'm cutting things rather a teeny bit close given that we're right at the end of June here, but hey-ho. Today is going to be a little bit of a special one. For this post will be my forty-seventh. The number forty-seven is curious. It's cropped up in quite a few places. I first encountered it in the TV show Alias, then again in the Hitman videogame series...mostly on account of the main character being the assassin called 47. But one of the most notable places it appears (and what I wish to discuss today) is the Star Trek universe.

The references to the number forty-seven can be traced back, according this article on Memory Alpha (the Star Trek wiki) to Joe Menosky, writer on both The Next Generation and Voyager. He was part of a society at college that believes mathematical proof exists that all numbers are equal to forty-seven. Thus, Menosky found ways to sneak the number forty-seven into Star Trek episodes as a neat little in-joke.

Anyway, that's reason that I decided I would talk about Star Trek in post forty-seven. In the exceptionally unlikely event that any Star Trek writers read this, I accept your facepalm gestures, rolled eyes, etcetera 'cause after so many years, you're probably sick to the death of the number.

Now then. On with the relevant babbling.

You see, I hold what I believe to be a slightly controversial opinion in the world of Star Trek geekdom. There is an age-old question that reigns among any fandom - which of said fandom incarnations are the best? Which is your favourite? The latter can be quite a damning question in the wrong company. And of the choices presented, I regard Deep Space Nine as my favourite. For the simple reason that more things go boom and the characters...well, the characters are far, far more complex.

So let's pause and digress for a moment, clarify some things. Jean-Luc Picard is undeniably the superior Starfleet captain of all the captains encountered. Both ships commanded by Captain Picard somewhat out-do Benjamin Sisko's small but mighty USS Defiant. But when it comes to the longevity of things, the complexity of storyline and intrigue of characters, Deep Space Nine takes the prize by more than a few country miles.

To back up my argument, a case study - episode nineteen of season six: "In the Pale Moonlight".

First of all, awesome title. Anyone who's watched and enjoyed Tim Burton's Batman can hear Jack Nicholson uttering the line "Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?" A curious, almost delightfully threatening phrase I find. And exceptionally fitting for the episode at the heart of our case study. For those of you not wishing to know anything about this episode, I'd stop reading right about...

...now...(ish)

We're deep in the Dominion War at this point. The Federation and the Klingon Empire are fighting hard against the Dominion and their Cardassian allies, but in spite of their efforts, the war continues to go badly for them. Every week, a new casualty list is posted by Captain Sisko and every week more friends have died. All the while, thanks to their non-aggression treaty, Dominion forces are to take shortcuts through Romulan space and catch Federation forces unawares. An idle conversation between the officers leads Sisko to a startling realisation - he needs to bring the Romulan Star Empire into the war.

But this is no easy task. The Romulans don't have any reason to join the fighting. The Federation and Romulus have been playing deadly games with each other since the end of the Earth-Romulan War in the 22nd Century. They have been openly hostile towards the Klingon Empire on more than one occasion. If the Dominion were to win the war, two of Romulus' greatest threats would be removed in one fell swoop. So in order to convince them that the Dominion intends to bring Romulus into the fold once it's done with the Federation and the Klingons, Sisko turns to the shadiest dealer on Deep Space Nine - Cardassian tailor and former Obsidian Order operative, Elim Garak.

We digress from the story a moment to talk a little about Garak. He is by far one of the best characters in the series. His past is beyond merely chequered, it's riddled with intentional black holes of ambiguity and secrecy. His past actions with the Cardassian secret police has given him a jaded worldview that is a stark contrast to the bright optimism embodied by the officers of Starfleet and their glorious Federation. And above all, he seems to reward mistrust and paranoia. Earlier in season six, when stranded on a planet and out on patrol with Nog, he calls the young cadet on the fact that Nog will not allow Garak to stand behind him. When the Ferengi explains his reasoning, Garak remarks "Cadet, there may be hope for you yet".

Anyway, skipping ahead, Sisko conspires with Garak to at first discover evidence of Dominion plans to invade Romulus, then forge evidence of aforementioned Dominion plans. Various shady circumstances ensue, pushing Sisko's integrity closer and closer to the edge of the proverbial abyss. Eventually, with their forged evidence, they arrange a clandestine meeting with a prominent Romulan senator, who notably supports the treaty Romulus has with the Dominion. The senator comes aboard DS9, views the evidence, takes it away to examine it for himself and discovers it to be a fake. Outraged, he returns to Romulus, Sisko prepares for the consequences. Then...

...well, Garak outdoes himself. Just before the senator returns to Romulus, his shuttle explodes. Romulan authorities examine the wreckage, the imperfections in the forged evidence dismissed as damage from the explosion. The Romulan Star Empire enters the war.

As soon as he hears of the senator's demise, Sisko knows Garak is responsible. A confrontation ensues, but eventually...well, Sisko realises the most damning thing of all. He can live with it. The lies, the murder. For the sake of the Alpha Quadrant, he can live with it.

As I see it, this episode does something no other Star Trek incarnation ever did or would ever do. It epitomises Deep Space Nine's ability to shine a light on the darkest, most compelling storylines. And for this reason, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine is my favourite.

And now for something completely different, I'm ending this blog entry here so I can watch Battlestar Galactica and eat Chinese food. Nom.

I want to be an achiever. Like Bad Horse.

At work today I was struck by my not uncommon compulsion to sing, but something was very, very wrong. Not with my song choice - Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. But with my ability to remember the songs. I mean, this is Dr Horrible. A work of Joss Whedon. I can recall all the words to the Buffy musical episode "Once More, With Feeling" (a phrase that, I must say, I don't get to use as often as I would like to!), but somehow, Dr Horrible escaped me.

This, was most definitely, a problem. One which I resolved, somewhat easily, by putting it on as soon as I arrived home from work. And, a tad naturally, it sparked my neuro-synaptic relays. Or, in other words, I started thinking. About villains. About my favourite villains.

Oh yes children! It's time for my top ten run-down of my all time favourite villains!  As always, spoilers will be avoided as much as possible, but apologies for any that slip in.

10: Darth Vader (Star Wars)

Ever moaned about your boss breathing down your neck? Feared his or her wrath if you didn't do your job properly? Then spare a thought for the poor men and women of the Galactic Empire. Failed to stop those pesky Rebels from stealing the Death Star plans? Were those really the droids you were looking for? Then watch out, because Darth Vader isn't above using the Force to choke the life out of you. He's also a pretty mean duellist with a lightsaber. Just ask Obi-Wan Kenobi.

9: Julian Sark (Alias)

He's dashingly handsome, dashingly devious and has an uncanny knack for keeping himself alive. Captured numerous times by the CIA over his criminal career and yet this sneaky little bugger always manages to escape. How does he do it? His response to Sydney Bristow and Michael Vaughn should sum it up - "Not a problem. My loyalties are flexible." Enough said really.

8: Dick Jones (RoboCop)

When it comes to money-grabbing, amoral capitalists, none do it better than Dick Jones, Senior Vice President, Omni Consumer Products. The driving force in the ED-209 programme, mastermind behind a criminal underworld, general all-round jackass. His departure from his service to OCP is particularly memorable too. Ronny Cox has played many a villainous jackass in his brilliant career, but his portrayal of Dick Jones makes him the definitive corporate villain.

7: Robert "Sideshow Bob" Terwilliger (The Simpsons)

Voiced wonderfully by Kelsey Grammer, Sideshow Bob is quite possibly one of the most charming villains ever to grace animation. I mean, who else would consent to his arch-nemesis' last request of a performance of the entire score from Gilbert and Sullivan's HMS Pinafore? That's right. No one but Sideshow Bob. Though it has to be said, he really didn't need to rig his mayoral election. But oh well. Still a wonderful villain.

6: GLaDOS (Portal)

Genetic Lifeform and Disc Operating System. Quite possibly the most deranged and psychotic Artificial Intelligence since the seminal HAL 9000 from 2001. As can plainly be seen, Ellen McLain's completely off-its-axle AI beats out its forerunner to the number six spot. There's nothing more joyous, yet also incredibly creepy, than hearing her synthesised voice taunting you throughout the game. "I think we can put our differences behind us...for Science. You monster."

5: Spike (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

"Home sweet home." Oh yes, Spike. You did very much make Sunnydale your home. Crashing through the town's sign in "School Hard", Spike made one heck of an entrance to the Hellmouth, then went on to make his awesome speech about the Crucifixion, the first of many epic monologues. But none finer than my favourite Spike episode, "Lover's Walk" - "Love isn't brains, children, it's blood! Blood screaming inside you to work its will! I may be love's bitch, but at least I man enough to admit it." And a damn fine man, and villain, you are Spike.

4: Hans Gruber (Die Hard)

"You asked for miracles, Theo, I give you the F.B.I." When villains come as slick and sneering as Alan Rickman, you'll overlook his less-than-German accent. Every word from that man's lips are just so beautifully enunciated that it doesn't matter that he's not an evil dictator of the galaxy, maniacal AI or corporate tool, he's an amazing villain. In his own words - "I am an exceptional thief, Mrs McClane. And since I'm moving up to kidnapping, you should be more polite." Genius. And classically educated too.

3: The Master (Doctor Who)

Although his name would say otherwise, The Master isn't master of this list, but he comes frakking close! Alas, my early Who knowledge is limited mostly to "Genesis of the Daleks" and Jon Pertwee's adventures with the Autons, so it's John Simm's joyously evil performance as the megalomaniac Master that snags the number three spot. As seen with Sideshow Bob, it's not uncommon for villains to attain political office. But only The Master would go Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, gas his entire cabinet at their first meeting, then go on to completely take over the world and successfully capture the Doctor. Now that's villainy.

2: Erik Lehnsherr/Magneto (X-Men)

Shown here by the wonderful Michael Fassbender, but also including Sir Ian McKellan's classic performance as the X-Men villain, he is just short of my favourite villain, but by a tiny margin. It was a very close race. For me, Magneto is made exceptionally brilliant by a remark in the third film (many deny it existed, but sorry guys, it did happen and it had some pretty good moments) - "Charles Xavier did more for mutants than you will ever know. My single greatest regret is that he had to die for our dream to live." It his genuine respect for his own nemesis, his old friend, that elevates Erik Lehnsherr above your rank and file villains. And we can only hope that Michael Fassbender will continue to breathe new life into the character as the franchise continues. Also, it gives the ladies a villain to swoon over.

1: Mayor Richard Wilkins III (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

That's right kids, it's a Buffy villain snagging the top spot, but not just any old Buffy villain. The Mayor, polite, dedicated public servant of Sunnydale, very particular about hygiene and very disapproving of swearing, but also not adverse to murder and devouring Sunnydale High students and staff (sorry, Snyder) in order to achieve ascension to pure demon form. There's just something that simultaneously warms and chills the soul about the Mayor. He's an equal opportunities employer - humans, renegade Slayers, vampires. In the Mayor's Sunnydale, everyone gets a fair chance. Well, right up until he becomes a giant snake. But thanks to the Mayor, Sunnydale High, class of 1999, gets one hell of a graduation ceremony. Kudos, Mr Mayor. Kudos.