Today's title is a little bit abstract of sorts. And instead of being a television or movie quotation, it's a line from a song. Music is funny thing with me. I tend to go through phases, listening to one album/particular set of albums at any one time. Currently, I'm in a phase where I'm near constantly listening to one of my (recently discovered) favourite bands, Halestorm. Specifically, their album "The Strange Case Of..." and this particular lyric is from the song "Hate It When You See Me Cry".
So I've established the context of the title. Now I have to explain how it has earned the label of "abstract of sorts". You see, today I have decided that I shall do a top ten list, as I haven't done one in a good long while. And in the spirit of vengeance that I have been possessed by as of a late. Before I go into the list, a tiny bit more context in terms of spirit of vengeance.
It involves one of the people dearest to my heart, as it often does when my spirit of vengeance is invoked. The Rhaegar Targaryen to my Lyanna Stark, the one known as Thief. To briefly surmise, someone is being evil to her. This person is known as The Harpy, The Garbage Scow or The Monumental Bitch (pardon my language). It is this person who has awoken my spirit of vengeance. And for this reason, it's time for my top ten fictional weapons. Useful for personal defence and exacting vengeance upon silly, useless Garbage Scows.
10: The Scythe (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
Not only featuring a neat little stake at the bottom, the Scythe as one hell of a blade which is excellent for slicing, dicing and making julienne preacher. As you can see, it has a rather pretty colour scheme and is capable of slicing Nathan Fillion into two halves. Just to repeat one salient piece of information...slices...Nathan...Fillion. Into two halves. For that it deserves a place in the top ten, but for the crime of splitting Captain Tightpants in two, it remains at number 10.
9: Ebony Warhammer (The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim)
So I've mentioned Skyrim a few times now. As of this moment, I'm at level fifty-two and thus far, only really at the point of using Ebony weapons, even though Daedric weapons are cropping up here and there, while Dragonbone weapons still elude my reach for now. As a result, I have discovered what could be considered a slight streak of House Baratheon mixed in with my House Stark-ness. And that is the use of warhammers as my favoured mêlée weapon. It's rather worryingly satisfying to beat down a horde of enemies with this particular weapon.
8: The Tesla (Warehouse 13)
Not a weapon for killing, but very, very satisfying for electrocuting/stunning them into submission. Invented by every self-respecting geek's favourite underdog scientist, Nikola Tesla. Wielded by many agents of the Warehouse and knacked (thank you, China Miéville for this usage of the term) handily by the brilliant Claudia Donovan into the Tesla grenade, it is a simple weapon. A civilised weapon, given that it doesn't kill. And it wipes short-term memory just a little. Handy if you're caught doing something you shouldn't really be doing...
7: RC-P120 (Perfect Dark)
One of only two projectile weapons to make it onto the list, the RC-P120 has the distinction of being the only automatic weapon on the list. With a clip capacity of (funnily enough) one hundred and twenty bullets, it is perfect for tearing into a crowd of enemies. It also has a neat secondary function (as all Perfect Dark weapons do) of having a cloaking device. There are two drawbacks - one, the device feeds off the P120's ammunition at a phenomenal rate and two, as soon as you pull the trigger, the cloak disengages. I favour the approach of jamming down on the trigger and taking down my enemies. It's rather effective I find.
6: Particle Magnum (Stargate: Atlantis)
Modelled here by its main user, the ruggedly handsome Jason Momoa (in character as Satedan native Ronon Dex), the particle magnum is...just...well...neat. A powerful handgun that fires red particle blasts, well...in a slightly disconcerting way, it's an awfully pretty gun. But mainly it packs a neat wallop and hands down defeats the SGC's choice of the FN P90 as their default weapon. Plus, it's Jason Momoa's gun. That gives an instant cool rating.
5: Mjölnir (Thor)
Again modelled by a ruggedly handsome fellow, we delve into
that awkward line between mythology and fantasy with the fabled weapon of the
God of Thunder. Yes, it's the return of the mêlée weapons with Mjölnir. Now
unfortunately, I have not read the comics. Well, except for a brief flirtation
with the Secret Invasion story arc of the Marvel Universe. Back to the point,
my experience with Mjölnir is mainly confined to Thor and I dare say,
Chris Hemsworth does a lot of fun things with Mjölnir. Not only can it bash the
ever-loving crap out of things, but it also helps Thor to fly. That's right. He
can use the hammer to FLY. That's cool. Undeniably.
4: Honjo Masamune (Warehouse 13)
Warehouse 13 slips into the top ten once again, this time with a mêlée weapon - the ancient Japanese artefact, the Honjo Masamune. According to the wonderful Artie Nielsen, the Honjo Masamune is a katana so perfectly aligned that it can SPLIT LIGHT AROUND IT. And by doing so, it renders the user INVISIBLE. It's a katana that turns you invisible. This is quite possibly one of the most perfect vengeance weapons. Not quite the number one weapon, alas, but it's...well...it turns you frakkin' invisible. How cool is that?
3: Dark Energy-Infused Gravity Gun (Half-Life 2)
This one has, quite possibly, the most interesting definition of "weapon". It doesn't really fire things. It just...picks them up. Like a ball of dark energy, as illustrated above. The ball is then fired, which then disintegrates people. And in the final phases of Half-Life 2, the Gravity Gun becomes infused with dark energy, supercharging it. Not only does it pick up balls of dark energy, it picks up PEOPLE. Well, evil Combine soldiers. And from there, you can fire them into streams of dark energy. Which disintegrates them. It's awesome. Hence, it's in the top three.
2: Purple Flaming Katana of Self-Respect (Scott Pilgrim vs. The World)
We're closing in on the top spot and at number two, we have another katana. No official title as such, so I made one up. As featured in the movie Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, it is a purple flaming katana, pulled out of Scott's chest when he earns the power of self-respect. It's at number two for the simple reason that it's on fire. Purple fire. End of.
1: Moses Brothers Frontier Model B (Firefly/Serenity)
Shock horror, it's Firefly coming in at the top spot. Like all things in this corner of the Whedonverse, it's just a tiny bit pretty. I even have a replica of it in my room. There's something just so...simple about this weapon. It's a pistol. Nothing fancy, no great little secondary functions, just a simple handgun. It fires bullets. It gets Mal either in to, or out of, various hijinks. And let's not forget, "Every well-bred petty crook knows that the small conceable weapons go to the far left of the place setting". I just love that line. It has no real relevance, but oh well.
So there we have it. Potentially showcasing a worrying side of my psyche that finds weapons aesthetically pleasing, but, well...The Harpy shouldn't be making Thief's life difficult for her. It makes me vengeful. She won't like me when I'm vengeful. I'm a Stark of Winterfell. And no matter what she does, Winter is Coming. Plus, she's pissing off a Targaryen. Historically, not a good idea.
Now that's enough babble for one day. I'm hyper on tea and wondering if all of this was a good idea. Oh well. Should find out in the morning. Reminds of a good quotation from The Princess Bride:
"Good night, Westley, good work today. Most likely kill you in the morning."
(Song of the Mind: Hate It When You See Me Cry - Halestorm)
It seems I'm going to be trying that whole "being prolific" thing with blogging. At least in the sense that for the first time since I started this blog in January I've done two posts in rather quick succession. But then again, in my last entry, I did promise my judgements on Skyfall and Battlestar Galactica: Blood and Chrome. Since I have watched both, it's time to get on with the judging.
Of course, no blog entry would be complete without my establishing ramble about the historical context of how things came to be in my life. The James Bond movies were strangely ever-present during my childhood, perhaps because of the influence of my ownership of a Nintendo64 and my love of the timeless classic, GoldenEye. So we'll say it all kicked off for me around the mid-1990s, taking full hold around 1999 when television channel ITV went a bit James Bond happy and were showing one Bond movie a week (or maybe a day, I can't entirely remember). I pretty much religiously taped these movies, watching and absorbing useless trivia facts and favourite lines ("Don't touch that...! That's my lunch." - GoldenEye, Q to Bond). Pierce Brosnan was the definitive Bond as far as I was concerned and I think his movies will remain my favourites. That being said, I am quite enjoying the new Daniel Craig movies.
Now, just for a moment, let's have a little discourse on the major differences between all these movies. You see, in last ten years or so, movie studios have gone a bit reboot mad. On some levels, it's been brilliant - Christopher Nolan's trilogy of Batman movies - and on others, not so much (Superman Returns. Sorry, Brandon Routh. But we loved you in Scott Pilgrim vs. The World). But the James Bond franchise is one of those Marmite Principle things - people tend to love it or hate it. Of course there's grey area ambiguity where people neither love nor hate, but for the sake of argument and discourse it's the Marmite Principle. So in 2006, when Eon Productions where gearing up for Bond 21, they decided to reboot - take the series in a different direction. Dispose of the gadgets and make it grittier. Make Bond get his hands thoroughly dirty. And I'd say, personally, I think it worked. I enjoyed Casino Royale. I did miss Q and all the wonderful gadgets (I still do), but it seems, with Skyfall, there may be a light at the end of the tunnel on that score.
Judgement time!
I'll start with this - I really enjoyed Skyfall. It was almost grand, but still gritty - the villain, brilliantly portrayed by Javier Bardem, wasn't just some power-crazy megalomaniac, but by gods could he bring MI6 to their proverbial knees. The premise of his character, Silva, is that he's a former MI6 agent with connections to M's past. He's deranged and he wants to kill M. Naturally, 007 turns up and decides to be a snag in that little plan. What ensues is your standard fare of chaos, mayhem, one-liners and things going *BOOM*. And very awesomely so.
What's interesting about Skyfall is it's sense of the past. 2012 is the fiftieth anniversary of the release of Dr No, the first ever Bond movie. So naturally, there's a lot of cheeky references to past movies - especially the classic Aston Martin DB5. But more than that - the scriptwriters not only interwove those little references to the last fifty years of Bond movies, but they also delved into the chequered pasts of our beloved characters - James Bond himself and his boss, the ever-wonderful M. Once again, Judi Dench is on excellent form as Bond's superior. The relationship between the two characters is explored in a lot greater depth in this movie, once more linking in to the theme of the past being thrown at us throughout the entire movie.
On a happy note, the movie sees the return of Q. This time, it's the youthful Ben Whishaw taking the mantle of MI6 Quartermaster. Now let's face it - Desmond Llewellyn will forever be the definitive Q. John Cleese did a sterling job living up to the legend after Llewellyn unfortunate passing in 1999 and from what I saw in Skyfall, Ben Whishaw will be bringing his own unique charm and wit to the role. So while Skyfall does dwell a lot in the past, there's a glimmer of hope for the future - although Q quips "Were you expecting an exploding pen? We don't go in for that sort of thing anymore", I hope to see some level of plausible gadgetry being developed by Whishaw's Q Branch in future movies. He's also a bit of hacker/computer wiz and was given quite the expanded role in Skyfall compared to the role of Q in previous movies. Again, pinning one or two hopes on this young whipper-snapper.
In overall conclusion, Skyfall was a very much enjoyable movie.
Now, Battlestar Galactica: Blood and Chrome.
Loyal Colonials and Frakkin' Toasters everywhere have been champing at the bit since the demise of prequel series Caprica for the promised release of prequel series Blood and Chrome. We've been through a lot in that time. A promise of a television release downgraded to webseries and constant delays and setbacks. But finally, last night, episodes one and two were posted on YouTube! Thank you, Machinima Prime!
Watch them here: Episode 1 and Episode 2.
First off, I did enjoy the episodes. Short and sweet, but what do you expect from a webseries? And I'll be honest, I was very sceptical about Blood and Chrome. It was Luke Pasqualino, the actor chosen to play Bill Adama. For one thing - where the frak is his gruff voice? But credit to the boy I watched in Skins, he actually pulls it off!
The premise for those rooks just joining the worlds of Battlestar Galatica is thus: it's year ten of the Cylon War. Fresh out of the academy, Ensign William Adama has been assigned to Battlestar Galactica, one of the fiercist (and newest at this point) battlestars in the Colonial Fleet. Adama is a typical rook - he's cocky, eager and wants to rack up a quick kill count and few dozen medals, then return to Caprica a hero.
Of course, nothing ever happens that way. War is Hell, remember?
Adama is quickly put in his place and assigned to pilot a Raptor, not the Viper he had been hoping for. His ECO, Lieutenant Coker Fasjovik, is bitter and war-weary, coming to the end of his mandatory second tour of duty. He wants out, a concept Adama can't quite wrap his head around. I'm intrigued to see how this plays out through the series.
Now the budget isn't as big as the re-imagined 2004 series. There's a lot of CGI backgrounds, which doesn't necessarily bother me - it's the changes they've made that irk my brain a little bit. Galactica is one of my favourite ships, it's been discussed before. So when I see what they've done to the interior of my beloved Battlestar with their CGI, I'm a little confused. I can easily explain it away - by the 2004 series, Galactica's been in service for forty years. There's probably been endless updates and refits. So while it irks me, I can get over it.
There's not a huge lot to say about Blood and Chrome for the moment. So far, I like it. I might try and make it a weekly thing to keep this blog updated on my growing opinions of the series, might not. We'll see. Regardless, by the end of Blood and Chrome, I'll likely have a lot to say. I might not say it week to week, but by gods I'll be saying something eventually. For now, it's good. Carry on.
Well, that's all for today. Until next time...
(Song of the Mind: Immigrant Song (Cover) - Karen O, Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross)
