Sitting Under the Shade of the Tree: A Storm of Swords

I've made mention before of that fateful April day that I met George R.R. Martin and had the hardcover copy of A Clash of Kings I bought that very evening signed. I won't say so much that I regret having that book signed, but...if I had known just how unbelievably EPIC A Storm of Swords was going to be, I would have bought a hardcover of that one too and had it signed.

Now I've been reading the paperbacks, so A Storm of Swords was really two epic books for me, subtitled Steel and Snow and Blood and Gold respectively. For the purposes of simplicity, I'm pooling my review together, so I'll be covering both books. Now as this is volume three in the Song of Ice and Fire, spoilers for A Game of Thrones and A Clash of Kings will likely follow. You have been forewarned.

As with every blog about the Song of Ice and Fire, I'll begin by taking stock and introducing the state of play as it stands at the beginning of the book.

A Storm of Swords slightly overlaps the end of A Clash of Kings, but here's what's happening - Ser Jaime Lannister, the "Kingslayer" and Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, has been released from captivity at Riverrun by Lady Catelyn Stark in the hopes that the Lannisters will release Lady Catelyn's daughters, Sansa (held pretty much captive at King's Landing) and Arya (last seen in the company of Lord Beric Dondarrion's raiders). His brother, the brilliant Tyrion Lannister, is recuperating from an impressive wound (a scar now runs across his face) gained during the battle outside King's Landing. He has been replaced as Hand of the King by his father, Lord Tywin Lannister, who is being hailed as saviour of the city after he arrived with a great host of southern lords, defeating Stannis Baratheon's army. But everyone forgets that it was Tyrion's plans that prevented the majority of Stannis' army, embarked with his fleet in Blackwater Bay, from landing and turning the tide of the battle.

Elsewhere, (i.e. in the North), Jon Snow has, under orders from ranger Qhorin Halfhand, gone over to the wildings and comes face-to-face with the King-Beyond-the-Wall, Mance Rayder. Bran and his companions, Hodor, Jojen and Meera Reed, leave the ashes of Winterfell behind to make for the Wall, where the three-eyed crow in Bran's dreams awaits.

Seaward now and Ser Davos Seaworth, loyal servant to Stannis Baratheon, is found alive and...not so much well, but definitely alive, following the Battle of the Blackwater. He returns to Dragonstone, intent of killing Melisandre, the Red Priestess who stands at Stannis' side, guiding his campaign. Before he can so much as flinch in her direction, he is arrested and placed in a cell. Further across the seas, Daenerys Targaryen has left Qarth after the Sorrowful Men (a guild of Qartheen assassins) attempt to kill her, journeying to Astapor to buy herself an army. A slave army...

So basically, that's where everyone stands. But over the course of the book...well, several of the characters are left distinctly less than standing.

A Storm of Swords is...good gods, it's a bloodbath. A cruel, twisted ingenious bloodbath. All through the reading of this book (/two books for me), I was in contact with Thief who was urging me on, continually ordering me to read faster and on the receiving end of some very astonished text messages when certain things happened. As much as I want to go into them chapter and verse, I don't wish to spoil too many things. So I'll perform my usual trick - babble about my favourite characters.

Ser Jaime Lannister. I never, ever thought, in the depths of A Game of Thrones, that I would come to like this smug son of a bitch. But in A Storm of Swords, Jaime becomes a perspective character and as a consequence of that, I came to a bizarre understanding of the man, how he lives eternally in the shadow of his label "Kingslayer". In his journey back to King's Landing, he is accompanied by Brienne of Tarth, who reminds him at every possible moment about the oath he swore and he broke it when he slew King Aerys II Targaryen, the Mad King. In spite of the fact that it was probably one of the best things he's ever done, for reasons he elaborates. But it's this torment he seems to feel, the burden of being the Kingslayer that makes Ser Jaime Lannister, for me, a compelling character. He may not be the best Lannister, but...gods I can't believe I'm saying this, but he's all right.

The best Lannister, of course, is Tyrion. The Imp. His size may be small, but his wit and brilliance are great. If only someone would actually recognise that and stop putting him down so much. Removed as Hand of the King by the arrival of his father (who was actually named Hand of the King, but sent Tyrion to act in his stead while he waged war on Robb Stark), he is named Master of Coin as Lord Petyr Baelish ("Littlefinger") has been sent to the Vale to woo and seduce Lysa Arryn, to keep the Vale and all its forces "in the King's peace" and thus out of the war. Or deep in it, so long as they're on Joffrey's side. But it seems that no matter what job he has, Hand of the King, Master of Coin, Tyrion Lannister is hated and misunderstood. And has a big mouth that gets him into A LOT of trouble. But it's that big mouth and its witty quips that we love so much.

Moving away from the Lannisters, it's time to take a moment to talk about some of the Starks. First off, Robb Stark. Never a perspective character, but man do I want this guy to win. Through Lady Catelyn's eyes, we see that Robb shares his father's sense of honour and the burden of leadership - especially when he arrives back at Riverrun...with a new wife in tow. Who is not of House Frey, despite Robb being betrothed to a Frey daughter of his choosing. Now that causes some friction, but allows Robb to forgive his mother for freeing the Kingslayer.

Now when I talk about the Starks, I can't help but talk about Arya. She's the stubborn little warrior girl and my favourite of all the Starks. And the poor girl never seems to catch a break. So far, every time she's come even a tiny bit close to getting what she wants, it's all snatched from under her. But credit to this little firecracker, she keeps going and going. And oh my, where she's going...I can't wait to see what happens!

And finally, Jon Snow. Gone over to the wildings. I must admit, I feel Jon Snow's initial epicness in A Game of Thrones has diminished somewhat, but I still like him. But mostly because, if not for his perspective, we wouldn't have a brilliant chapter where we finally get to meet the fabled Mance Rayder. And believe me, Mance Rayder does not disappoint for a second.

When I babbled about A Clash of Kings, I mentioned a theory about the Red Priests/Red Priestesses being behind a conspiracy. I've seen re-thought that theory and it's been a tiny bit proven wrong. Which is a shame, because I like a good conspiracy, but alas there isn't one that I know of. But I wouldn't bet on anything at this point. Especially in A Storm of Swords.

So I mentioned at the beginning it's a bloodbath. Oh gods, such a bloodbath. George R.R. Martin is an evil genius. Not many books will have me screaming at them, jumping for joy or giggling maniacally, but A Storm of Swords (especially book two, Blood and Gold) had me doing that all the time. So far, I think this is my favourite instalment of the Song of Ice and Fire. But I'm only two chapters into A Feast for Crows so far, I'll let you know how that goes in a week or two. Depending how fast I read. I expect I will have Thief standing with her bow and arrow to make sure I read faster.

Do what I do. Hold on tight and pretend it's a plan!

I'm going to begin by saying "Quantum Mechanix, this is all your fault!" You can't escape this, QMx. You posted the link. On your head this whole thing lies! For you see ladies and menfolk, my mind is being warped...by the 1978 disco-style remix of the Doctor Who theme tune. In this article from io9.com, re-posted by QMx, therein lies the video with the aforementioned funky tune. I mean FUNKAY...oh dear gods, the funk. It won't leave my brain.

In order to distract myself (even though I have the video playing in the background because it's frakkin' addictive), I have decided that this will be the perfect opportunity to blog about that great stalwart of British science-fiction, Doctor Who.

I'm a geek and I'm British. It follows in bizarre logic that I am, of course, a fan of Doctor Who. While I imagine you could probably, somewhere, find a British geek not a fan of Doctor Who, it would likely be rather difficult. I will conduct a poll about this at work with all the geeky regulars, but until then, I want to talk about Doctor Who to get my mind off the brain-melting funk. That addictive, funky goodness...

Let's face it. As a science-fiction writer, I have toyed with the idea of writing about time travel. Come on, we all have. In fact, I dare any science-fiction writer who's watched an episode of Doctor Who to put their hand up and say they haven't dreamed about writing an episode themselves. While tied to a polygraph. With a bunch of kittens dangling over a shark-infested pool, to be dropped in at the first sign of a lie.

My journey with Doctor Who...well, I can't actually remember where it truly began, though I know my mother, something of a geek like myself, was an avid fan of Doctor Who in its glory days. One of my earliest memories of Doctor Who is a bizarre one. It was 1999. I can tell you that for a certainty because I saw this episode just before I went to see Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace for the first time. Before I truly understood the genius of the first three films and how Empire Strikes Back is the best by far.

But I digress. It was 1999. And it was perhaps the most epic of classic Doctor Who episodes to watch. It was, at the very least, the first part of..."Genesis of the Daleks". It was years later that I was talking to my mum about these episodes and she told me her favourite part...the part, which, as a child, had her on the edge of her seat screaming at the screen.

For those who have not seen "Genesis of the Daleks" and would prefer to watch it without knowing what happens...I'd stop reading about here...at least just skip over the next paragraph. Or two.

It was the Doctor. (*The* Doctor for all you Tom Baker loyalists out there). Holding two frayed lengths of wire. All he had to do was touch the wires together and *BOOM*, that's it, no more Daleks. But he hesitates. Two wires. Staring at these frayed copper conductors, he realises that of all the things he can do as a Time Lord, he cannot do this. He cannot destroy the Daleks. It would undo too much, destroy too much history, too much of the timeline. Too much of his timeline. Even though his companions are urging to do it, to end the most terrifying threat the Universe has ever known, the Doctor...spares the Daleks.

A part of me wishes I could go back and tell my ten year-old self just how incredibly important a moment that was, just how brilliant the writers were for putting the Doctor into that position.

Of course, six years later (2005), Doctor Who made one heck of a comeback. In the clever guise of Christopher Eccleston with the brilliant line "So? Lots of planets have a north!" to explain his accent, Doctor Who once again caught the hearts and minds of the British public. And in those last seven years...well. We've had Christopher Eccleston, David Tennant and Matt Smith, all fantastic Doctors with wonderful companions but...

...well...

...a lot of my friends will be rolling their eyes here, but...well...

...it's totally all about Amy Pond.

I'll hold my hand up and admit it - feisty red head with a Scottish accent and a knack for being...well, fiery, determined and thoroughly Scottish? You're godsdamn right I went head over heels when this girl stormed onto our screens in 2011 screaming lines like "Twelve years and four psychiatrists!"

But that isn't the finest moment in Doctor Who. As much as I love Amy Pond and think she is wonderful (and Karen Gillan a fantastic actress), there is one episode that stands out above all others, that for me marks the high point of Doctor Who.

"Blink".

It's 2007. David Tennant is the Tenth Doctor. Freema Agyeman is his companion, Doctor Martha Jones. And yet this episode, this brilliant, brilliant episode features for them for probably a grand total of five minutes. For there's two things that steal the show - the beautiful, incredible leading lady Sally Sparrow (Carey Mulligan) and one of the most terrifying nemeses the Doctor has ever faced.

The Weeping Angels.

I'm sure I've mentioned it before, but as a writer there are things you read or watch and you're thinking "Oh gods, why the frak didn't I think of that first?" I can honestly say, the Weeping Angels are up there. In fact, I might do a top ten list of things I wish I had thought up first in terms of genius storylines/ideas. And the Weeping Angels are definitely up there.

While their appearance in the 2011 series dulled their fire just a tad, the Weeping Angels remain one of the finest creations to come from the mind of head writer Steven Moffat. And when I was reading China Miéville's Perdido Street Station, the central "villains"/monsters, the slake-moths...they reminded me a little of the Weeping Angels. Insofar as when I was reading Perdido Street Station and the excitement that gripped me when the slake-moths were introduced convinced me that China Miéville should write an episode of Doctor Who.

Of course, no one would ever, ever sleep at night. Ever again. Yet I can't help feeling it would be *SO* worth it. Anyone else with me on this one? Might be a bit late for series seven (the trailers for which look EPIC), but maybe series eight, eh? I think it would be an epic idea. Neil Gaiman wrote an episode, why shouldn't China Miéville? *Sod's Law follows that China Miéville hates Doctor Who...*

Sitting Under the Shade of the Tree: A Clash of Kings

I've been building up to this bad boy since April, oh that fateful day in April where I came face to face with the man himself, George R.R. Martin. At that point, I had only read the first novel in the Song of Ice and Fire series, A Game of Thrones. So naturally, I bought the second in the series, a beautiful hardcover and had it signed. However, I vowed that I would be fair to all the other books that were in my reading pile and get through them first before reaching A Clash of Kings. Finally, early this morning, two weeks after I started reading it, I reached the end. And so, it is time to share my thoughts.

I will warn and apologise now, some spoilers for the events of A Game of Thrones may follow. You have been forewarned.

Now on with the show!

Let's take stock for a second. At the end of the first book, there are no less than four kings in the Seven Kingdoms. Here's the rundown: Joffrey Baratheon, "heir" to King Robert Baratheon and "rightful" king of the Seven Kingdoms, except that he's the bastard child of Ser Jaime Lannister and his sister, Queen Cersei Lannister. Ew. *Shudder*. Next up we have Stannis Baratheon, Lord of Dragonstone and brother to Robert Baratheon. He was the first to discover the truth of Joffrey's birth, but buggered off to Dragonstone before doing anything about it. So with his brother dead and the throne rightfully his, he decides to finally get off his butt, with a creepy Red Priestess at his side. But there's a twist.

His far more popular brother, Renly Baratheon, Lord of Storm's End, has declared himself king and even married the maiden daughter of Lord Mace Tyrell, the Lord of Highgarden, thus bringing with his claim to the Iron Throne the vast majority of the southern lords. Not only are the Lannisters, who are naturally all rallied around King Joffrey, more than a little disconcerted by this, Stannis isn't too happy either.

Finally, there's Robb Stark, Lord of Winterfell upon his father's execution in A Game of Thrones, declared by his lords and bannermen as King in the North. He's won himself a neat little victory against Ser Jaime Lannister, taking the famed "Kingslayer" hostage, giving the Lannisters a little bit of pause for thought. So far he's pretty much the only one of the kings who doesn't want the Iron Throne.

Now I could try and sum up the plot...but good gods, that's a lot of information to try and distil into a small collection of paragraphs. You know how people joke about how you've "written an essay" when you write something ridiculously long in a space generally reserved for smaller trains of thought? This would be a thesis. So instead, I shall run through some of the characters (my favourites mostly) and through them hopefully some semblance of the plot.

I'll start with our dearly beloved favourite, Tyrion Lannister. As far as I'm concerned, he's the only forgivable member of House Lannister. As of A Clash of Kings, Tyrion has been sent to King's Landing to act as Hand of the King, despite the fact that his father Lord Tywin had been named to the post. In this position...well, he is just so brilliantly Tyrion. Plotting, scheming, having the back-stabbing Commander of the City Watch shipped off to the Wall to become a Sworn Brother of the Night's Watch. And credit to Tyrion, he does his best to keep order while his nephew shows how much of a sociopath he is and his mother, Tyrion's "sweet sister", plots and schemes to keep Joffrey on the Iron Throne and the knowledge of her union with Jaime Lannister a neat little secret. All the way through, Tyrion never fails to be an intriguing, devious little character that I just love rooting for. If I was reading before going to sleep, I would finish a chapter, find the next one was a Tyrion chapter and have to read on.

But Tyrion's not the only compelling character. One of the continuing surprises in the compelling character category is Sandor Clegane, a.k.a. "The Hound", Joffrey Baratheon's loyal bodyguard. Seen only through the eyes of Sansa Stark, held pretty much prisoner in King's Landing, The Hound confounds and confuses. He's this brutish thug, only just a step above a murderer. And even though he's spending ninety percent of his scenes ruining Sansa's illusions of knights and chivalry, he's really opening her eyes. Now I'll admit, I didn't like Sansa in A Game of Thrones, but she's really matured in A Clash of Kings, starting to see the truth of the world. I wonder how much of that is due to The Hound's harsh, yet wise words.

Speaking of the Starks, there's Arya. Let's face it, she's my favourite of the trueborn Stark children (because the bastard Jon Snow stands in a class of his own) and her arc...well. She's turning into quite the little warrior. A sneaky little warrior. Having escaped King's Landing with Yoren, a Brother of the Night's Watch, she and Yoren's band of miscreants bound for the Wall manage to fall afoul of the war for the Iron Throne. But wait a second, the Night's Watch takes no part in any wars, right? Try telling that to the frakking Lannisters. No sooner than Yoren, Arya and co run into Lannister men, they are all but massacred and end up at the cursed fortress of Harrenhal. Now I must restrain from saying too much here, as when I met (for all of five seconds) George R.R. Martin, while waiting in line to get my book signed, I overheard the future of Arya's arc. And from what I read in A Clash of Kings...oh gods I can't wait to see where this ends up going! Yeah, I'm rooting for Arya Stark here. She's badass.

Of course, no rambling of thoughts and feelings on a Song of Ice and Fire book would be complete without rambling a little bit about my personal choice to take the Iron Throne, Daenerys Targaryen.

Let's face it. Daenerys has dragons. Not just as the sigil of her house, but...godsdamnit, the girl has three actual dragons! Now my friend Wench pointed out that dragons shouldn't really be the entitlement to the Iron Throne, but...watching Daenerys come from this scared little girl to mature into such a strong leader...okay, so she doesn't have a host of thousands like the Lannisters, the Starks or Renly Baratheon, but she has spirit, determination and...well...DRAGONS! Daenerys is spending most of her time in Qarth, with people flocking around her, all but trying to buy her dragons from her. And she's having none of it. Sucks for her, because she wants an army, then want the dragons...nobody's getting what they want here. But Daenerys will find a way. She better, because I really want her to become Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. While others are fighting each other to gain the throne, Daenerys is running across half of Essos, enduring the loss of her beloved husband Khal Drogo and stillbirth of her son, Rhaego. I just feel that Daenerys' personal trial of fire (pun not intended now that I realise it) is earning her, slowly but surely, her right to claim the Iron Throne. That and by the time she gets her ass to Westeros, chances are everyone will have killed everyone else. Though I'm hoping Robb Stark survives and Daenerys lets him remain King in the North. I just think it would be cool.

Also, personal theory...the Red Priests/Priestesses of Asshai are totally behind the whole war for the Iron Throne. Seriously. The clues are there...or I'm reading far, far too much into it. Guess we'll find out. I've already started reading A Storm of Swords and I have all the books up to A Dance with Dragons. And I'm just going to power through them all, one after the other. I would be fair to my other books, but the way A Clash of Kings ended...I have to keep going! Then I imagine the end of A Dance with Dragons will torture me even further. Like I say, we'll see. Until then, this has been my ramble about A Clash of Kings.

Oh and during conversation with Thief during the writing of this blog, I have invented a new word: Tyrionical. Similar to Machiavellian, it relates to any plan/scheme that involves an exceptional displays of cunning, deviousness and brilliance. Just like Tyrion Lannister, the word's namesake.

So there you have it. Tyrionical. Use the word well.

I have an entire phalanx of machines that go ping!

I've been meaning to do this one for a while. In fact, I had planned to do it here and had the title reflect that it was going to be about my top ten favourite tech guys. And girls. Since I've been feeling like I'm a little behind on my random rambling, I decided to do this one today. Finally. After all this time.

Naturally, as is my custom, the title of this post comes from the mind of Joss Whedon. Or at least from one of his shows - this one from Dollhouse, from the mouth of one Topher Brink, one of my favourite tech persons. But where does he come into this? Read on and find out!

But first, just for Thief, here's a palm tree:

Now on with the show!

10. Marco Pacella (The 4400)

He's kind of in the classic mould of a tech guy - glasses, unashamed geekiness, socially awkward. But underneath it all, Marco Pacella of the National Threat Assessment Command is a pretty cool dude. As head of NTAC's Theory Room (a name I have adapted for my own room), he was Tom Baldwin and Diana Skouris' first point of call for theories about the eponymous 4400 and their related abilities. And...well...by show's end...spoiler alert (highlight to read): he gains the ability to teleport!

9. David Levinson (Independence Day)

He graduated from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology to become a cable repairman. Not the type with a van, mind you. No, David Levinson (wonderfully portrayed by Jeff Goldblum) was Independence Day's arbitrary disaster movie everyman main character. But with a degree from MIT and the smarts to suss out the alien's nefarious scheme to blow up every major city on Earth. Though this is a Roland Emmerich film, so they all still blow up. But he does later show that he's smarter than the Area 51 scientist portrayed by Brent Spiner. Kudos.

8. jPod (jPod)

Shown here by the cast of the short-lived Canadian TV show adaptation of the Canadian novel jPod and most about the TV show characters, the jPod are probably the most successful slackers in the videogame industry. In their thirteen episode run, they manage to acquaint themselves with Chinese Mafia kingpins (the wonderful Kam Fong), suffer through one boss who is kidnapped and shipped off to China while the other hijacks them for his own personal project before blowing himself up. And this is just skimming the surface of their hi-jinks. They also gave me the phrase "The F-Bomb". Seek out and watch episode two, "A Fine Bro-Mance", for the context.

7. Douglas Fargo (A Town Called Eureka)

One of numerous techies and engineers resident to the mysterious town of Eureka, Douglas Fargo quite possibly has the distinction of being the most accident prone. His inventions routinely turn on him (see "H.O.U.S.E. Rules" for a good example) and apparently, his file at Global Dynamics uses the phrase "inappropriately pushed button" some thirty-eight times. While these things don't inspire the usual round of confidence you would like to have in the world's scientific elite, Fargo is no less of a wonderful and endearing character. Such is the life of the comic foil, it would seem. But he is still a genius. One day he'll invent something that will work perfectly and not be misappropriated.

6. Alyx Vance (Half-Life 2)

Our only entry for a videogame character, Alyx Vance, daughter of physicist and Black Mesa researcher Doctor Eli Vance is the erstwhile companion of everyone's favourite tight-lipped theoretical physicist, Doctor Gordon Freeman. Despite the fact that Freeman is a physicist, his overuse of the trusty crowbar appears to render him unable to use computers and his MIT education to navigate obstacles. Here is where Alyx is an indispensible ally - she hacks into computers, uses her sparking gadget thing to open doors and makes you play fetch with her pet robot, Dog. A robot her father built, then she added to. The end result is very impressive. Her resilience, resourcefulness and great company earn Alyx Vance the number six spot.

5. Q (the James Bond Franchise)

Alas not the John de Lancie Q of Star Trek: The Next Generation fame, this is the Q that kept James Bond alive for so many films. A divisive issue it may be, increasing Bond's survivability, but nonetheless, Q's appearances in the first twenty or so Bond films were scenes to look forward to and cherish. Ably played by the late Desmond Llewellyn, Q could easily match and outwit his reckless colleague while providing him with the means to defeat the bad guys. Despite what the gritty Daniel Craig Bond films will have you believe, Bond couldn't really ever be without Q.

4. The Lone Gunmen (The X-Files, The Lone Gunmen)

While their spin-off show might have slightly...well...tanked, their appearances in their parent show The X-Files were often the highlight of an episode. The oddball combination of John Fitzgerald Byers, Melvin Frohike and Richard Langly provided invaluable assistance to Mulder and Scully during their investigations. While in their first appearance in "E.B.E." they're set up as ridiculously paranoid conspiracy nuts, they became three of the most endearing characters in the entire series. Enough to get their own, aforementioned short-lived series.

3. Tony Stark (Iron Man)

"A genius, billionaire playboy philanthropist." Tony Stark's own words summing him up beautifully. This man graduated from MIT when he was seventeen and built a crude, but functional, powered armour suit in a remote Afghan cave with little more than "a box of scraps", as Obadiah Stane yelled at a poor, unfortunate scientist nowhere near a brilliant engineer as Tony Stark. His techie achievements and marvels are too numerous list in their entirety, so will stick with the miniaturised arc reactor and the Iron Man suit.

2. Topher Brink (Dollhouse)

Here is, the man behind this blog entry's title! Although I haven't watched all of Dollhouse YET, Topher made quite the impression as the strangely endearing, slightly amoral tech king supreme of the Los Angeles Dollhouse. Topher's best moments include noticing Victor's "man reaction" (and resulting investigation with Doctor Saunders) and his brilliant reaction to an experimental memory drug in the episode "Echoes". A genuinely funny turn. Makes you want a drawer of inappropriate starches...

1. Claudia Donovan (Warehouse 13)

Feisty hacker chick with deviantly coloured hair. When describing Claudia to my friends, I use those words. They roll their eyes, knowing my affinity to that kind of girl. No surprise really that Claudia snags the top spot here. As the youngest member of the Warehouse, Claudia strives and struggles to bring the reality of 21st Century technology into the Warehouse, much to the consternation of her boss, Artie. The hi-jinks that oft ensue from Claudia's tampering and tinkering are a delight and pleasure to watch. As are her constant pop culture references and her text alert on her phone - a Cylon voice proclaiming "By your command". And you can't help but find it cute when she genuinely exclaims "Zoinks!"

-----3

I need spaceships or I get cranky

I've been building up to this one for a couple of days. Partly active social life/work consuming time related. There should be a special theory of relativity for that...putting this on my to do list. Invent time machine and give the idea to Einstein.

Okay, I'm digressing. Big time. So, to explain, the title of this blog...well, it's not a quote from the Whedonverse like most of my blog entries. No, these are words straight from the man himself.

This entry is, once regarding the pain and anguish of not going to San Diego ComicCon, specifically the awesome Firefly 10th Anniversary Reunion Panel. But also...this is about Firefly and what it means to me. As always, this will follow the usual format - chronological context of how and when I came to Firefly, followed by lots of ramblings and personal anecdotes, maybe even a little bit of gushing about stuff here and there.

As the presenter of the Panel, Jeff Jensen, said - "Let's get on with the thrilling heroics".

It was 2005, the tail end of. I was watching Film 2005, hosted back then by old Jonathan Ross. It was their "Film of the Year" show and Serenity netted the top prize. I saw the clips they played, Joss Whedon's acceptance speech and I was thinking "Hey, I actually have a total lack of awesome spaceship sci-fi. I should get this on DVD when it comes out, it looks totally cool". Roll on February 2006. I pre-ordered Serenity. It arrived...on a Wednesday, I think. I was in my penultimate year of secondary school, I was thinking about university. As soon as I came home from school, found that Serenity had been delivered, I broke open that package, put the DVD in my Xbox, played the DVD.

I fell in love.

Pure and simple here, kids. I fell in love with this movie. In the space of Serenity's two hours, I had a new favourite film. It's still my favourite film, of all time. It even beats Joss's latest epic, Avengers. Which was bad ass. But it can't hold a candle to Serenity.

Like the Hero of Canton, my love for it now, ain't hard to explain. It was the characters, the warmth, the soul of the film. It's not an epic...well, it is, but it is by not trying to be an EPIC, it's not trying to be a mind-expanding exploration of the human soul, it's not a summer blockbuster. It just is. It's a beautiful piece of simple writing, with amazing performances bringing life to characters that you absolutely truly believe are a family. It's...incredible.

And heck, kids, this is just Serenity.

Funnily enough, shortly after falling in love with Serenity, I obtained Firefly. I fell even further and deeper in love. I knew true heartbreak about the fate of certain unnamed characters. I became even more attached to the characters. And when I learned the true nature of Firefly's fate, Joss Whedon became my idol.

As a writer, you have to learn to deal with rejection. Like I said, in 2006 I was getting towards thinking about university. I previously mentioned in a prior blog post about The Writerverse that I decided, when I was 15, that I wanted to be a writer. By the time I was 17, I was coming closer to understand the trials that writers undergo and finding my idols, people to admire and hold as inspiration. Joss Whedon's refusal to let Firefly die and giving me my favourite film of all time was that inspiration. Added to that the brilliance and wit of the dialogue of his writing, the darkly beautiful humour that slips into the most serious of episodes...I have taken that and introduced it into my writing. During the days of workshops at university, it was mentioned, often positively. I owe you, Joss Whedon, for teaching me that there's always a place for dry witticism.

But this isn't the end, it's not just about the influence the show and the film had on my writing, how Joss Whedon became an inspiration. It's about the people Firefly has helped me to meet.

Ladies and menfolk, my fellow Browncoats.

It was university. By this time, I had my beloved Serenity t-shirt. To this day, one of my most complimented t-shirts. And largely due to this t-shirt, I met many, many fellow Browncoats. There are so many of us. So, so many of us. We do have a lot of other major interests, but...well...we largely came together because of Firefly, because we are Browncoats. It was that curious fact that you come across, that exclamation of "You like Firefly? So do I! That's awesome", which spirals into a much deeper, more meaningful friendship. And from that very starting point, some of my best friendships have developed. If I had not watched Serenity and fallen in love with it, who is to say I would have met these people and become such great friends? Well, might be a slight over-exaggeration, but still. Being a Browncoat has brought me closer to some wonderful people.

But the story isn't just the influence on my writing or the fellow Browncoats I've met.

I work in a café. It's been mentioned before. Now while I am determined I will be a successful writer in some shape or form...I've contemplated a back-up plan. A café. A geek café, in Bath, because I just feel there's a sad lack of a major hub of geek congregation in Bath. There's a comic book shop, but it's small. We need something bigger. With tea and coffee.

To this end, my back-up plan - Leaf on the Wind. Two-fold reference: obviously, Wash's beautiful, if slightly tragic, line from Serenity. Secondly, a reference to the fact that only loose leaf tea would be sold in this café. It would emulate the fusion of Western and Eastern furniture seen in Firefly. There would be a memorial to our most beloved, fallen character. There would be an alcohol license so we could serve, probably only late in the evenings, the cocktail, the Sereni-Tea. I would be able to justify and write-off all QMx purchases of awesome Firefly collectibles as business expenses. The only permitted expletive for staff would be "gorram". There would be a pool table, with a sign next to it saying "Management not responsible for ball failure" with the notice repeated in Mandarin underneath. All the menu boards would be in English and Mandarin. Staff would be encouraged to say "Shiny".

I would go utterly mad with power, just as I seem to have gone mad with ideas.

But then again, this is all about what Firefly means to me, so...it's to be expected.

Ladies and menfolk, I am a Browncoat, proud and tall. I aim to misbehave.

Sitting Under the Shade of the Tree: L.A. Confidential

It's time for a slight divergence from my usual sci-fi, a bit of infinite diversity in infinite combinations to spice things up. The following instalment of Sitting Under the Shade of the Tree features a hard-boiled detective thriller, James Ellroy's L.A. Confidential.

Some of you may remember that back when I rambled about The Man in the High Castle, I mentioned having previously "demolished" a James Ellroy book. That was The Big Nowhere, book two of Ellroy's LA Quartet. L.A. Confidential is book three and, in an ironic twist, the book that actually started it all for me. Allow to put things into context.

It may be common(ish) knowledge that in 1997, L.A. Confidential was adapted into a film, directed by Curtis Hanson and starring Russell Crowe, Guy Pearce, Kevin Spacey, James Cromwell, Kim Basinger and Danny DeVito. To name but a few of the names cropping up in the movie. It was here that my inevitable journey to reading the LA Quartet began. I loved the film. When I discovered it was based on a book, I decided I had to read it. I then discovered that, as aforementioned, it's book three of four and being borderline OCD, I had to read book one (The Black Dahlia) first.

Eventually, last year, I bought The Black Dahlia and then, round about the beginning(ish) of this year, my reading pile finally decreased to the point where I was able to read it. Instantly impressed and engrossed by Ellroy's writing, I went out and bought The Big Nowhere and L.A. Confidential. Last week, I finally finished the book I'd been building up to for so long.

Now. Enough context. Time for some substance.

To set the scene, it's Christmas 1951 in Los Angeles. Three LAPD officers are about to be set on an inevitable collision course that will shatter their lives apart - ambitious ladder-climber Sergeant Edmund Exley, brute force thug Officer Wendell "Bud" White and flash celebrity narcotics hound Sergeant Jack Vincennes. They're all caught up in Bloody Christmas, a scandal that gives the LAPD a black eye, only this is merely the start of spiral downwards for the three officers. From the ashes of Bloody Christmas comes the Nite Owl Massacre, a heinous crime that brings the three into conflict, then eventually a bizarre partnership as they peel back the layers of deception the crime is veiled in, threatening their careers and their lives in the process.

Ellroy's novels are incredibly compelling. I'm used to crime thrillers that focus on the crime, the evidence, the nail-biting cat-and-mouse game between criminals and the cops. But with Ellroy...well. His novels are pretty much a journey into the heart of darkness that resides inside these cops - usually all inevitably crooked or corruptible in some way. And these journeys, they're frakking intense. I'll admit, L.A. Confidential wasn't as intense as The Big Nowhere (that was some dark stuff right there, but no less brilliant and awesome a novel), but nonetheless, it was a compelling read, but also for the similarities to the movie. It was brilliant to see how all the actors in the movie perfectly suited the characters in the book and even more gleeful when I found lines of dialogue that I recognised from the movie. A lot of the time it was in an entirely different context, spoken by an entirely different character, but I still had a little smile and a little "Hey, I remember that".

In reference to the movie and the similarities, I think one of the most intriguing things I found in reading L.A. Confidential is how the screenwriters managed to take the source material - the third in a quadrilogy - and make a stand-alone movie from it, but still make it recognisable enough that (I imagine) fans of the book wouldn't be tearing their hair and screaming "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PLAYING AT?" Okay, so in fairness I did the whole thing a bit backwards, movie then book, much like I did with Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, but I have very good reasons for that. Digression aside, I'm still impressed by the job the screenwriters did. Ellroy's book is a beautifully twisted tale and while the screenwriters couldn't fit everything in, they did a fine job of get the bare bones across, with the actors filling in the rest and making a brilliant film noir-esque journey into the corrupt heart of the 1950s Los Angeles Police Department.

So there you have it. Fans of the film, read the book. It's so much grittier and darker and sheds so much more light (ironically) on the motivations of the characters. Fans of the book, if you haven't seen it, fear not the film. It does well.

Until next time...my reading pile grows ever larger, with the entire volumes one to five of the Song of Ice and Fire series due on Wednesday. I'll have plenty of books to keep writing about.

Life is Pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something

Life is pain, but not the in the context our dear Westley meant. No, today, as I forgo the words of Joss Whedon for the words of The Princess Bride, I'm not talking about heartbreak...oh wait, yes I am. But not heartbreak and pain as Westley understood it. No, for today I talk about something that has been tormenting my soul for the last couple of weeks.

San Diego ComicCon 2012.

It's a simple dream, held by many a geek the world over. One day to have the money to attend San Diego ComicCon. To those geeks who are going, who have the money and resources, I salute you in my near Hulk-like greenness of envy. If there was ever a year to go to San Diego ComicCon, it would appear to be 2012.

Perhaps this is mostly because I've become far more clued into the happenings of the geek community since starting up this blog in January. You see, before then, I didn't use Twitter except for a dark time in my third year known as "Professional Writing" and didn't follow as many fan pages on Facebook. But thanks to this blog and a certain school friend and Caerdydd-based "Landshark", I am, as aforementioned, far more clued in.

And it's torturing me.

Let's start with Quantum Mechanix. These beautiful, wonderful people have been the light of my growing geek collectibles collection and bane of my bank account since July 2011, when I obtained the River Tam Big Damn Heroes maquette and my beloved Browncoats t-shirt. As is to be excepted of geeks of their talents, artistry and prominence, they have a booth at San Diego ComicCon, (hereafter abbreviated SDCC, because while I'm OCD enough to keep saying San Diego ComicCon, it'll probably be easier on your eyes if I say SDCC). At this booth...oh lords, oh lords, the goodies! Pictures are abounding Facebook and Twitter. The key source of torment? These. Dogtags. Firefly dogtags. Oh, they say it's just prototypes, but...as the Futurama Fry meme goes - "SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!" Come on, QMx, you know you have it. I might as well just set up a direct debit, you take monthly instalments and just send me your awesome stuff. Please? Pretty please?

Then there's the panels. Doctor Who. I know I'm British, I know I only live an hour's train ride from Cardiff (and have friends there too!), but you know, I've never seen much of Doctor Who outside of the episodes on TV. Oh and once, Sylvester McCoy (the Seventh Doctor), regularly visited my workplace while performing at Bath's Theatre Royal. So I've been in the presence of the Seventh Doctor, but that's it. And let's face it, he does not have a companion as drop dead gorgeous as Karen Gillan. So maybe I would want to see the Doctor Who panel just for her.

But then there's an Iron Man 3 panel! Tantalising promises of panels from industry professionals! As a writer, that last part intrigues me most - don't get me wrong, an Iron Man 3 panel with the likelihood of Robert Downey, Jr popping in for a quick stage-stealing appearance? Hell yes! But...as aforementioned, I'm a writer. It's twenty to three in the morning here. I'm babbling about the heartbreak of not being able to attend SDCC 2012. One day, my wish is be on one of those SDCC panels. So I best get writing.

And it's not just panels either. I mentioned Quantum Mechanix and their goodies. A while ago, back in April, I stumbled upon a link someone had posted on Thief's wall. It was about ALL COLOUR versions of Bryan Lee O'Malley's Scott Pilgrim series. Guess what's going to be at SDCC 2012.

However, I'm not quite finished here. Oh no. For you see, I've saved the real kicker, the real heartbreaker of not being able to go to San Diego ComicCon 2012 until last.

The 10th Anniversary Reunion of Firefly.

This article, where I'm getting a lot of my heart-wrenching info on what's happening at SDCC, reckons there won't be a dry eye in the house when those guys get back up on stage together. I agree. I don't know if my eyes would be dry. Throats are probably going to be raw screaming approval. Women swooning over Nathan Fillion and Alan Tudyk. Men swooning over Jewel Staite and Morena Baccarin. The sheer awesomeness of the momentous occasion.

I cannot adequately express how much I could be there. Even if I was crammed in, way at the back of the room, struggling to see, I wish I could be there. There's only one thing in the world I wish for more and believe me, between Firefly reunion and that unspecified thing, it's one frakkin' tough call!

However, although I'm going to miss out on a lot of these awesome things, I'm determined not to entirely languish in self-pity. I may not be attending SDCC for a long, long time due to not having near enough money to fly out to California, I'm going to have my own little geek-fest I think. I can't pretend it'll be anywhere near as epic or awesome as San Diego ComicCon, but if the best I can do is curl up with my favourite geeky movies this weekend to try and numb the pain, then by the gods it's what I'll do.

For those lucky enough to be attending, once again, I salute and envy you. San Diego ComicCon 2012 is yours. Bring back some great stories, kids. You owe us that much!